It took me a few weeks to thought through about my relationship with Cheryl
She was right.
There was really a lot of problems with our relationship. It was aggravated by the fact that we are separated geographically and that she has raised her expectations of me ever since she went to Australia and got to know a lot of different people.
I talk to Xinping and Rachel about my problem and told them how sad I was when Cheryl
told me that she could not do anything to save our relationship.
Xinping gave me an account of how Cheryl felt about me. She told me not to call her but to do something nice for her.
Rachel told me not to feel so sad, she said that girls can be unpredictable and that maybe she was trying to spike me like what she does to Vincent.
However, Cheryl's reaction lead me to think through about our relationship and how we have spend this four years.
I have to agree that there was a lot of things that I did for her. The things that I tolerated for her, tried to change for her and even blindly try to learn to like the things that she liked - which eventually did made me like some. I learned to like the music she listens to, the books she read, the movies she watch and even her habit of going to clubs and spending a lot on dressing.
Maybe I didn't like all this.
Maybe I did all this to get close to her and to learn to like her.
We really did had a lot of difference. There was a period of time when I had the idea of breaking up with her because I found that it was hard for us to cope to be together and that I might instead find a better girl. However, she reacted by voilently to my rejection. She locked herself up in her room, starve herself and cried a lot.
I was actually touched by about how she reacted and how much she loves me.
That really shook me a lot and changed the way I thought about her.
I wanted to us a chance and to try to see if i could accept her.
That was when i started to really fall for her.
She was really not the type of girl that I liked. The kind of girl I liked is really the adorable, girlish type. The kind who needs a lot of attention from his boyfriend, the kind who would try to make you laugh instead from the way she behaves differently. The kind who has a lot of patience for you. The kind who is emotional, who would cry or laugh aloud when shes watched movies or drama.
Cheryl did resemble some of this characteristic, but at the same time she can be demanding and stuborn. I always thought that she behaves very cold in front of me. She seldom smiles, laugh at my jokes and hold on to my hand. We could get along quite well at time but I was not sure of my feelings.
I just tried to listen to her.
She really made me so sad after what she tells me.
I think its was time for me to behave maturely and to thought about our relationship seriously and not to blindly did what I did the last time.
It is really better that way for the both of us.
Maybe I would just wait for her to come back and I would see if she is really the girl I want.
I know that if she is not around for very long, I would feel lonely, feel that I really want to see her, to tell her all the things I know and to bring her around and see the happy look on her face.
I think I really get very emotional when it comes to relatinoship, I was suffering from insomnia and cried for many nights after calling her several times.
Cheryl, I don't know how much that you do understand about me, but at least I hope that you read this entry of mine?
