I celebrated my 21st birthday with both my Cathigh buddies and JC/NUS Judo friends today. The feeling was not exactly bursting with happiness but a neutral satisfied feeling that I always wanted. At the moment, I didn't had much to wish for ; And I feel that having nothing to wish for will be the best moments in your life. All that I have to wish for is just better health of people around me, especially my family and also the need to have balance when managing priorities in career and relationships.

Just to let those curious mind know what I got for my birthday (In no order of merit; I shall start from biggest to smallest in size to prevent any mind games):
1) Multi-purpose sport bag (Best for tennis) from Tze Wee, Kenvin and Ronnie
2) Black adidas netted shoe-bag from Vincent and Rachel plus one powerful Bdae Card
3) Body Shop Eye Mask and Cocomilk Bath from Tze Wee, Kenvin and Ronnie
4) Donald Duck Galore from Becky plus one powerful Bdae Card
5) Coffee BreadTalk Cake from Wei Qing, Lijuan and Veronica
6) Top Shop Gift Card from Wei Qing, Lijuan and Veronica
7) Sliver Bracelet from Wee Poh and Jian Wei
8) Key Holder from Tough from Alvin Lin

Alvin asked me what is the greatest gift I had ever received. I thought about it. I am sure it is. I don't expect gifts to be expensive, because I can buy it myself. But apropriate. I really like hand-made or self-initiate stuff becasue they are hard to come by. My greatest gift is not a birthday gift but it was the greatest ever, it was a facial plus face massage with aromatic oils and facial lotions that Cheryl helped me do in the past.

Sincerity was something that I look out for in a relationship. I do not think we should shun away from people because of the way they behave because everyone has some kind of weaknesses. But rather, I felt that friends are only friends because you look out for one another and that you really have a 'heart' for the person and vice versa.

Anyway, these are just food-for-thoughts for tonight.
I think I agree with what people say, that nothing but change endures, I hope I will as well, both mentally and emotionally, for the better.

Do not send me crashing waves, but let me venture out to the sea to meet them, I know I can ride and take control.

Observations i have made today,

1. Things also turn out differently from how you have always expected it to be, and thats the fun of it.

2. Happiness is from within and does not equal not to constant laughing or smiling.

3. I realise how badly I still want to be a doctor. I will work towards it.

I crave to capture the sweet moments of every great sunsets,
but do not wish to encounter the scorching sun

I crave to glaze upon the stary night
but do not wish to stumble around in darkness

I crave to taste the freshness of every first dew
but do not wish to be drenched in the morning fog

My world is crashing
My vision is shaking
But I am
addicted
to talking to you
Like air to breathe
and water to drink
You are the one I hold
and long to see
in the morning

The world was beautiful
The world was bright
Of flickering lights
and celebration cries
I leaned next to you
by the Bench
and Wished that
the time was mine

The clandestine world of Jerry is no longer a secret anymore but filled with more and more surprises. That the person who is so distant from me may in fact be just next to me.

I am so reluctant of the changes in my life that it can no longer be as simple as fulfilling one's desires. It has become more complicated as it involves more people and more guessing. I do not wish to play the dating game but has inevidently been swept into this viscious cycle of intriguing human interactions and confusing relationships.

I know I need to grow stronger.

Nightmares can be a terrible but there something worse in my sleep superceded it.

They say that dreams can be an opposite reflection of realities or your thoughts. Otherwise, it may be a reflection of your daily thoughts. I hope for the former. I already had a series of dreams of things I do not wish to think about. Strange thing that these dreams all had a nice ending or nice interruptions. It seems that someone is hinting something, or it could be that my mental state is at a disorganised state. Nonetheless, I woke up feeling cheated, feeling that it is so unfair that you dream of things that you try so hard to forget.

Just to recap on how we had spent tze wee's brithday. It was more of a give and take session of how tze wee treated us to a wonderful buffet at Brazil Churrascaria at Sixth Avenue and we presented him with lavish gifts. Everyone though that the restaurant was more of a novelty and was over-rated. The idea of a mostly meat eat-in and an unfamiliar salad bar makes it hard to palate for us. Having a previous experience at Carnivore at CHIJMES does not seem to change my mind that paying 40 plus for such a meal is simply not worth it for us 'Singaporean' Singaporean.

After that, it was cake-cuting at Kenvin's place followed by a short mahjong session.

Look at how the photo-taking was such a hidden opportunity to touch each other's shoulder before the game. Haha, a superstitious belief that you will lose money in gambling if someone touches your shoulder!

A Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!!!

All the pre-new year shopping for clothes have allowed me a few interesting observations of how couples behave in a relationship in public. It is interesting how sometimes in a relationship that men and women behave so distinctly different. In Singapore, it's not a rare sight to see how guys group together waiting outside the changing room as women are enjoying their thrills of buying new stuff. It may seem gentlemanly to guys's themselves to wait for their partners, but has it been registered to anyone else including their partners whether it seems gentlemanly to anybody? We see nothing but tortured and tired faces on them, and the look that they have better things to do, more stuff needed to buy! The controversial of men carrying ladies handbags, of carry large tons of shopping buys that are obviously girl brands and of waiting outside female changing rooms shows how the notion of a SNAG is an extremely insecure guy.

Even I have been through all the torture before. I have to say guys' insecurities basically come from the fact that they are not able to express their care and concern so well verbally. The fact that the guys' thinking is so disparate from the women's one makes it hard for guys to know what women really want --- the greatest question of the century. Guys try to do whatever they think is nice and gentlemanly to a woman hoping they will hit the jackpot. Nonetheless, those mentioned above are only a small percentage of things that men are so willing to do.

At the same time, women do not seem to understand this insecurity; they view it as a form of ego for men instead. That they feel whenever a man gets the opportunity for a woman to rely on them, it helps to boost their ego. But unromantic man do not feel that way, they merely just want to find a channel to express their love. They merely enjoy doing things for their partner, even if they have to sacrifice every strand of hair on their head. This helps to relieve them of their insecurities as they are able to feel that they are wanted since they are useful. It all seems so pathetic to a women's eyes, but that is all that is happening, not the 'ego shit'.

Of course, it's always hard to allow others to change for you.Hence, I think for guys, it's more of the "doing the useful things" rather that doing everything that you deem possible. And for women, having to have guys to help you is a privilege; you do not try to dissect every minor detail.