I know how this feels

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Today, I embark on a self-exploration process to see how much I know about myself, this are what I think I am:

1. I am an emotional person, probably its because I am a Piscis.

2. I like to watch romantic movies, particularly those very much in-sinc with hospital scenes.

3. I feel very lonely at times.

4. I am very critical and can be scheming at times.

5. Even though a lot people does not such behaviour, I know I tend to behave very differently with other friends.

6. I learnt to cherish the things around me better, especially my family and friends after a depression period of time when I lost my chance to go to a medical school and at the same time broke up with my ex.

7. I am very much influenced by greed, always thinking of the possibilities of earning more money.

8. I like girls with big eyes, long hair and curvy backs (I am definitely not a boob's man), and I like very westernised girly girls.

9. Its hard to stop me from wanting to play Judo.

10. When I watch movies, I tend to become very engrossed, often putting myself into the picture.

11. I badly want to own a car.

12. I really hope to get attached but I know its hard to find a suitable girlfriend, always on the look-out.

13. I think its hard for guys to keep up with the interesting or romantic dates that women expect.

14. I can be vain and shopaholic for a guy, but I just need more money to cover that expenses, and most of the time that character of me doesn't shine out because I am quite poor.

15. I like to indulge myself with alcohol once in a while, to forget most of my worries.

16. I am usually more depressed than happy.

17. I daze a lot and I think I can be rather blur at times (often take the wrong side of the train or take the wrong bus).

18. I am still very keen on going to a medical school even though the whole world is keen as well.

19. I am very much disappointed by authorities who do not do their job well, especially after when they promised you.

20. I like jazz and I want to take up saxophone.

21. My guitar playing is attrocious, despite learning since SEC 4.

22. I think I can talk well but I suck at courtship.

23. I am not a person who only finds a friend when I need help, sometimes I ask for help only to get in contact that' s all(scheming of me), the help I get is not the real motive. Maybe its because I do not know how to interact with people due to my pragmatic nature.

24. I do not like chocolate, I can pass my chocolate to who-ever are chocolate-crazed(so many), but I really like mint.

25. Besides Mint, I like tomato sauce, potato and mayonnise as well.

I like my Imagination

It doesn't hurt to imagine. I like to imagine things a lot, probably explains why I am usually in a daze. Today, I imagined the things I would do with my girlfriend if I had one:

They are:

1. Spend a day cooking with her, using all the recipes I learnt from "asian food channel", especially pastries. I think they are fun. I like going to the Supermarket as well.

2. Spend a day dressing her up by making her wear the things I buy on one day. (From top to bottom, accessories provided)

3. Spend a day with her with the nature, either going wind-surfing, canoeing or just a hike in the reserves.

4. Spend a day with her crossing over to Malaysia, probably JB and eat all the good food!

5. Going on a holiday together. The next destination would be either Switzerland or france.

6. Bring her on a car ride around S'pore. If can, probably dash up and down Mount faber in 140km/h.

7. Learn Scuba diving with her together and go feed the sharks at Sentosa's Underwater World.

8. It's good enough also to spend quiet time together watching tv.

9. Learn how to play a romantic jazz song with a trumpet for her and play in front of her in public.

10. Take up dancing lessons with her.

11. The rest is 'censored'.

This is not a toy. It's a real cute doggy!!

I found this cat near my void deck. Its curling itself up sleeping comfortably. It seems to me that most cats are rather inactive, lazing around all the time, heh. Haha, isn't it cute?? Hey, kitty, time to wake up and look for breakfast, haha.

It turns to the other side after an hour when I came back to take his picture again haha. Oh, btw, for people who have been glorified by a particular video that I have sent to you all, think of it again when you see cruel acts on animals, do you want this in our society?

And this is Uncle liu's Office! Taking it as if its a view from his table. Apparently the guy you see working in his office on Good Friday is his blangha Comrade. Haa..

This is the whole of marina.Stupid building blocking my view!!

This is the view from Uncle Liu's office after a heavy thunderstorm. Amazing Rite? Haha... Especially when The Esplanade looks like a two loaves of bread!

No more Sad Songs for me

This week has been a reflective week for me. A week to organise my thoughts and to understand what I want in life before setting off the journey. Nonetheless, even though it could saddening to some people, I wake up everyday just wanting to hear Yan Zi's song, especially "tian hei hei" and I realised it made me missed the moments I had with her. Of a particular visit when she showed me at Yamaha her amazing voice when she played her familar "Tian Hei Hei" and of countless visits when I simply sit next to her on her Baby grand listening to her play.

I found this awesome car below my house.

Its amazing how at HBD estates you can still find a Mercedes Sport Car at the parking lot. That despite the extra cost paid in terms of COEs together with the high maintanence cost, HDB dewellers can still afford such a car. In fact, a friend once told me that my bishan estate's parking lot is a bit different from others, haha. I agreed with him saying that probably the good 'feng shui' of bishan along with its convenience like no other estates is making the residents here from moving out despite getting richer and richer. Its no joke that you see so many Nissan Cefiros, along with a few mercedes, Jaugars X-types, BMWs below my house. They even have a old Nissan Sports Car, 200SX. I await to see a GTR Skyline, haha! Haiz, dunno when I could afford one, I want gold-rimmed wheels for my dream car, haha!

Slide view

This one is themed ' Friendship'

This is one of the picture taken while I was hospitalised. Hope you people don't focus too much on how groggy I look, cause it took me some time to consider whether to ignore my personal image, haha. But I just found it really very heart-warming everytime I look at it, even though its not very nicely taken.

Self-explanatory. No, don't drool in front of your monitor! eeks.

Guys nights out

It was just a rash decision for the two of us to agree upon watching a movie in town. This is the life. Enjoying the long holiday that Undergrads-to-be gets. We were suppose to check out the new "fish & Co" at wheellock(timothy's working at Apple now, woah), but ended up eating Bakerinnz which was still very good, especially those sinful desserts, haha.

We watched V for vendetta after that. The scene when they cut Natalie Portman hair was so saddening! oh my gosh! I have to admire her courage if that was real, because you will have to kill me first to cut my hair, now that its long, smooth and silky, haha. The movie protrayal have indeed allowed a lot of space for contemplation despite its comical source. We might have indeed been subtlely affected by governments propaganda although not as extreme as shown in this graphical comic movie. That in reality, our resistance towards changes, along with our fears of extremitism, has prevented our active involvement towards revoluntionary or radical ideas.

I don't like camera!

Starring...

A hot and humid Singapore

For the past one week till now, Singapore has been covered with this huge adundance of clouds that has resulted in an unbearable hot and humid weather in which I am still suffering as I am typing this short paragraph of earthly complaint.

Something that is describing how I feel now

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进
何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

Do you find that familar?

Was that a reply to my blog entry? Am I reading too much in between the lines? As I was listening to the ost mandarin song "turn left, turn right" sang by Gigi leung, my sub-consciousness found its way to the feeling intentionally protrayed by the movie itself. That a relationship can be so wonderful when no matter how much opportunities you have slipped past, it will eventually find its way to you. You have got to be patient. That most of the time the person or thing that you long the most is always just next to you. That the furthest distance is always not noticing that its just beside you when you relentlessly try to search for it.

My next relationship?

Its really hard to start those engines again. Its really hard. Something that I have experiencing all the while, and of course I dun mind blogging about this.

Seriously after experiencing a bad-breakup experience(which of course doesn't mean those memories were bad, and I do cherish them instead), I tend to think too much, about constrains, about whether someone else will better, about commitments, about whether this relationship will be the shadow of the previous one, about whether you can be yourself in a relationship. As I start my journey age 21, I start to become defensive, paraniod and more down-to-earth. I start to be less forthcoming when I think too much.

I guess maybe I need to break out of all that soon, otherwise its forever bachelor, haha...
But anyway, its hard, its really hard....

An event to look forward to

I guess while everyone's busy studying, there will surely be reminisce of some happy times spent with their friends or families or even of Judo trainings(haha!) to keep them going. Also, there may even be events to look forward to after your exams!

Well, I am so glad that Eu-ming will be organising either a BBQ or Chalet for everyone to let down their hair and drown out whatever they have to experience during the examination period. I am really hoping to be of help in preparation of such an event. Hopefully.......

But of course, other than this, Rachel's birthday is a another mission-impossible. I am not going to reveal much, but people, judging from my use of words, you can probably guess how 'grand' her birthday will be.

Casual things side, I have decided with a second opinion from a doctor-friend that I will probably take out that irritating piece of metal next year during the holidays. Hope it stays in there obediently for one year and don't mess around with my bone and muscles before i agree to release it from life-imprisonment.

By the way, I am also worrying for sherilyn cause she might be opting for an operation for her knees during the holidays. Hopefully all turns well and that she is granted of her wish of swift recovery to go for the chalet or BBQ in may!

100^th blog entry

Seeing how at 1.30pm my msn online list is still filled with so many Uni Student, I have to lament on the fact that behind every proud degree received, there are countless painful memories of staying up at night. Of struggling to keep those tired eyes open and at the same time not to whine on about those painful fingers. There are even those who refused to see a doctor despite in a dire state, and continued to study.

I hope not to be like them, but recently I have begun to feel a whince of such studying pressure despite ORDing recently. Its that bloody C Programming blood that is the cause of all evil. Its not that I should judt stop studying now so that I will not whine further, but I realised how slower and stupidier I have become after losing contact with the schoolwork for two and a half years.

Maybe it could be the nature of the subject I guess, but in a way, I have to say I did found certain interest in the subject. Its a course work of deciphering and decoding, that does require high standards in terms of IQ and devising solutions to a problem.